Pleasurista Marian wrote me after the “Stuff On My Cat” newsletter article, "As I looked around my house I realize what gives me hairballs is not Stuff On My Cat, but Stuff In My Cat."
I wrote her back, intrigued, and asked her what she meant. For Marian it wasn't the stuff outside that was cramping her pleasure-style.
It was all the Stuff inside her poor pleasure-starved head.
All those old beliefs about how everything on The List needs to be crossed off first in order to be happy and pleasured.
All those old beliefs about not deserving pleasure and happiness even if she does complete everything on The List. (Kind of like cleaning your plate--even the overcooked Brussels sprouts--and being told you can't have a slice of the chocolate cake anyway.)
Most of us pass the half-century mark with, well, a half-century of Stuff in our heads that limits pleasure, happiness, and aliveness.
I asked Marian what her Stuff was. Maybe these sound vaguely familiar to you:
--I can't be pleasured until everyone around me is happy and taken care of.
--I can't enjoy pleasure until all the dishes are washed, the sheets clean, and the living room picked up.
--I don't deserve to be a full-blooded pleasurista because I lobbed a spitball at the back of Sister Mary Helena’s neck in 4nd grade, because I stole $5 from my mom’s purse in high school, because I let my baby cry for two hours thirty years ago when I had the flu and couldn’t drag myself out of bed...
--I can’t possibly be pleasured and happy until I lose ten pounds.
Marian told me she started laughing once she saw the Stuff written down. She didn't need therapy, she realized-she just needed to dissolve some of those nasty hairballs. I taught her the Spring Cleaning technique (see end of article) from the Queen Mama of Pleasure, Regena Thomashauer.
After Spring Cleaning with her best friend, Marian told me that just sitting there with her friend, drinking good coffee and watching the early autumn evening light fall there in her patio, she felt waves of pleasure that were 10+ on the purr scale.
And this, she told me, even with a stack of dishes, a shoebox of unpaid bills, and a serious pooching stomach.
How about you? How big is the Stuff In Your Cat factor for you, inhibiting your pleasured aliveness?
Ready to purr?
Spring Cleaning (from Mama Gena’s School of Womanly Arts, by Regena Thomashauer) Spring Cleaning with a partner (next time I’ll show you how to Spring Clean by your lovely self)
Set aside 30 minutes where the two of you can be undisturbed. Agree to confidentiality; this will free you both up to say exactly what you mean. Each of you get 15 minutes to Spring Clean on pleasure.
Number One asks Number Two, over and over, “What do you have on ‘pleasure?’” Number Two answers with whatever first comes into her mind. Number One simply replies, “Thank you.” Switch roles after 15 minutes.
Spring Cleaning might look like this:
#1: What do you have on “pleasure”?
#2: I don’t deserve it.
#1: Thank you...What do you have on “pleasure”?
#2: It just feels like something else I ‘should’ be doing.
#1: Thank you...What do you have on “pleasure”?
#2: I’d sooooo love to have more pleasure in my life.
#1: Thank you...What do you have on pleasure?
Let yourself really dive into this! You’ll probably be surprised at the hairballs you cough up. Once this Stuff sees the light of day, it’s so much easier to release.
Comments