Greetings, sisters! 

Just returned from a weekend of helping out at a meditation retreat. I had a wonderful time washing dishes (amazing how much more fun it is doing someone else’s), laughing in the kitchen, and meditating. It felt great down to my red toenails to not be in charge in the front of the room, but to simply be helping out. To be a happy nobody for a while.

May your week be filled with delicious opportunities to be a perfectly happy nobody – nowhere to go, nothing to do!

With love and pleasure, 

FEATURE ARTICLE: And Why Am I Doing This?

Yo, sisters! I’ve discovered the companion question to “What about me?”

Actually, I didn’t discover it. Several clients did.

Amanda realized how she put her knickers in a major twist just to go grocery shopping, squandering 10 minutes of her wild and precious life primping to buy a half gallon of milk. While staring in the mirror shaping her brows she asked, “And why am I doing this?”

To her chagrin, the most truthful answer was so that everyone in Safeway would approve of her.

She put down the brow shadow and promptly took her lovely unmade up self right to the grocery store.

“I know this sounds silly, but it felt like I let myself right out of a cage I didn’t even know I was in. Thirty years of primping so that I could be voted Miss Congeniality of Safeway ...  I’m snorting freedom!”

Seems many women are relishing the delights of freedom by asking the same question.

Robin had a 180 degree different experience than Amanda. One morning she felt like lavishing 30 minutes on making herself up just for the fun of it, before meeting friends for coffee. She mentally slapped herself around the block for that frivolous urge.

And then asked, “And why am I kicking myself from here to China for wanting to feel pretty?” She discovered that she feared her social activist friends would judge her for being self-indulgent.

She decided, at 54, that fear wasn’t a good enough reason to forgo a little pleasure.

She made herself up beautifully and sported a red silk scarf to Starbucks. Her friends asked her where she was going. “Nowhere” she replied with a wide grin, “except to be with you wonderful women.”

To her astonishment, several of them laughed and said they’d had the same urge but feared looking foolish and vapid to their friends. They were tired of believing that forgoing makeup was helping to end world hunger and unjust wars. These courageous gals even decided to wear boas to their next get-together.

Sooo ... Is this about makeup? ... No makeup?

Sisters, you know it’s not about the makeup. I know it’s not about the makeup. Amanda and Robin know it’s not about the makeup.

It’s about being on automatic pilot.

Lordy, how much we function on automatic by this time in our lives. We do things, say things, wear things, believe things that worked for us at 30 or 40. Things that once made us feel more loveable, more acceptable, more “right.”

Here’s the catch: what was “right” then may not do the trick any more. Trouble is, we think that it should. Here’s the crazy part. We want to feel good. We try what worked 10 or 15 years ago. It doesn’t work now. So you know what most of us do? Instead of asking, “Hmmm, and why am I doing this?” in a curious, playful way, we try harder.

And then, when it still doesn’t make us light up, what do we do again, sisters?

Yup.

So let’s play with asking ourselves yet another revolutionary question (since we’re on a roll now, having asked our sweet selves, “What about me?”):

“And why am I doing this?”

I’ve frolicked with this question for several weeks. I’m flabbergasted how much I still operate from old unquestioned assumptions. And this from Yours Truly, making a wonderful living helping others wake up, love and play! The old driver that bites me most on the butt is about Being Important Busily Doing Important Things.

How marvelous it is to ask this question and discover that the more that I let go of Being Important Busily Doing Important Things, the more I enjoy myself.

Last night I lay down to do floor exercises and my 28-toed calico Kabobble spied a golden opportunity for a love feast. I started to brush her away so I could focus on the Very Important Business of Eliminating My Menopot.

I remembered to ask, “And why am I doing this?” I found the exercises could wait. I was being invited to a love-in. I said yes.

And what a fool I would have appeared to someone looking through the window: me, a Very Important Coach and Psychotherapist, lying on the carpet with knees bent, my loved-to-the-nubbins flannel nightgown hiked up to my very bare hips, a 28 toed cat riding my rounded menopot up and down with my breath, me meowing back and forth with Kabobble?

Call me foolish. Call me whatever you want.

I’m learning to luxuriate in being a living, breathing, deeply pleasured gal.

So, sisters, this week play with asking yourself about habitual activities, “And why am I doing this?” Risk a little foolishness and a whole lot of freedom. Let me know what you discover.

Can’t imagine a finer way to live.

COACHING SESSIONS WITH MELISSA
If you would like to:

• Experience deep and authentic pleasure in your life
• Create a life that sings for you, free from struggle and efforting
• Free yourself from damaging cultural myths about growing older that limit your aliveness, creativity, and unique genius
• Making a meaningful difference in this time in your life
• Deepen your spiritual journey in a way that reflects who you are now
• Reclaim curiosity, gratitude, and wonder for your journey

Read more about how you can benefit from private coaching with Melissa: http://www.MelissaGayleWest.com
If you're interested, contact Melissa at Melissa@MelissaGayleWest.com, or 206.427.1325

 ABOUT Pleasure and Soul
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Melissa Gayle West
106 NW 104th St.
Seattle, WA 98177