Greetings, sisters!

After a ferocious Northwest storm, David and I found ourselves with 2 1/2 feet of water in our basement. I was heartbroken to lose much of my daughter’s childhood memorabilia, and every copy I own of Silver Linings, my most recent book that went out of print last year.

And I was truly blown away by the outpouring of love from friends and family, folks that fed us (furnace underwater and no power), washed our clothing (ditto for the washer and dryer), and spent a very long week sorting, cleaning, and throwing out that which couldn’t be salvaged. I cried my eyes out, and was also warmed and comforted by the hands and hearts of wonderful folks.

I found myself at one point wanting to massage the grief, and refuse the deep joy and pleasure of feeling so cared for. The situation was ripe for my drama queen to saunter forth and take charge, milking the loss for every ounce it was worth.

Then midlife grace happened.

The hell with self-induced suffering, I thought. I’m 53. I don’t want to spend any of my precious time and life energy on drama. I’ll just go straight for the love.

Now I’m heartbroken and deeply happy, grief-stricken and up to my eyeballs in love and caring.

What I’m left with is overwhelming gratitude for the love that’s blazing around us, here, now, even in the dark, cold, and wet. I feel like I’ve already had my Christmas.

With deep love and pleasure,

FEATURE ARTICLE: Feral Nuns

I was reading John Tarrant’s excellent book on Zen Buddhism this morning in bed, luxuriously naked and wrapped in our down comforter, and sipping the latte that David had made for me (how good a start to the work day is that?).

Tarrant wrote about Tommy Dorsey, a performing drag queen in San Francisco in the 80’s who became Issan, a monk, and later the abbot of a Zen center in the Castro District, the heart of the lavish gay scene. ( Issan said, “I still wear a skirt, but I gave up the heels.”) With a heart as big as the city, and a fierce commitment to service, he cared for guys with AIDS while keeping his wild and passionate off-the wall spirit. Tarrant described Issan as a “feral monk.”

That’s it, I thought as I read that, the top of my head blowing off. That’s what I am.

I’m a feral nun.

Wait!

Before you unsubscribe from my newsletter, entertain this life-altering possibility: Having a big enough spirit at midlife to be both/and, not either/or.

Think of all the splits we tortured ourselves with for the first half century or so of our lives:

• We could cherish ourselves OR we could cherish others.
• We could be our unfettered, unexpurgated selves OR we could be in relationships.
• We could be nice OR we could misbehave.
• We could be mommas OR we could be sexual.

Well, I’m here to tell you, ladies, that the time for splitting -- and all the unhappiness and insanity it creates -- is over.

After 50 we get to be and do both/and. We get to cherish ourselves deeply AND care about those around us. We get to be moms AND lusty, juicy, erotic women. We get to experience living unexpurgated lives AND being deeply cared for in relationship.

And so, voila! my feral nunship.

There’s always been a part of me that would love to go off by myself and just BE: meditate, be quiet with the growing trees, just sit and smell the flowers like Ferdinand the Bull. This part would be delighted to don the flowing robes of a Buddhist nun, turn my back to this crazy culture, and devote the rest of my life to spirit.

But then there’s also the New Orleanian, Mardi Gras parading, zydeco-ing, playfully erotic, makeup loving, chocolate relishing, lovemaking, Nordstrom’s shoe-lusting pleasure monger who deeply loves this crazy life and all its delights.

So now, at 53, I don’t have to ricochet back and forth between the two.

I get to be a feral nun.

I’m contemplating my vows. What might it mean to deeply commit to both sides of myself? How would it be to refuse to choose? How might it affect my life, my spiritual path, my relationships, if I were to truly adopt Walt Whitman’s celebration: “Do I contradict myself? Very well, then, I contradict myself, I am large, I contain multitudes.”

Ladies, How much larger life might life be if we took those choke chains off our multitudes!

Imagine how rich and interesting and lively our lives, and our spiritual paths, and our relationships, could become if we danced with our contradictions instead of putting them out to pasture. Imagine being chaste and wildly erotic, self-cherishing and passionately caring, mind and heart, spirit and body.

What if we don’t have to choose any more? What if it’s about the Big Yes to All of The Above?

My first act as a feral nun was to register the website www.FeralNun.com (imagine! No one had taken it!). Don’t know what I’m going to do with it yet (I’m open to any and all suggestions), but I’ve staked my claim, not just for myself, but for all of us who are ready to throw in the either/or towel and just be our wild, woolly, contradictory, richly all-of-the-above midlife selves.

My friend Kay has suggested that we start the Disorder of the Feral Nuns.

Anyone care to join?

TALKING BACK: WHAT Y’ALL HAVE TO SAY

In the last issue, “Pleasures Not Taken,”  I asked y’all, What unreckoned pleasures have you stuffed into the back of your Someday Closet, and are now reclaiming?

Wow! I was bowled over both by the quality and quantity of your responses. Many of you were already in the process of dancing with old pleasures. Lots of you said you were inspired to do some serious rummaging in those Someday Closets.

Here are just a few of your responses:

• Marie traveled, and finished her degree that she dropped 35 years ago
• Sandy would love to be in a musical, and so is thinking of singing lessons or joining a choir
• Rischa taught herself the ancient knitting technique called naalbinding
• Austin took up tango (“with a red rose between my teeth”)
• Sophia began to nap, and “cultivate the luxurious glories of just lying down with nowhere to go and nothing to do”
• Beth is preparing to apprentice herself to a fine furniture maker
• Diana began to read novels again for the first time since having kids
• Laila is going to burn her “mommy sweats” and start sewing beautiful clothing for herself again
• Jan bought a motorcycle and is mustering the courage to take it on the freeway
• Leslie is giving herself a half-hour a day to write poetry

Keep up the great play, gals! We can’t do this by ourselves. Let’s keep inspiring each other to create deeply pleasured, soulful lives.

 ABOUT Pleasure and Soul
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This newsletter and all content within it is Copyright(c) Melissa Gayle West 2007 except where otherwise noted. All rights reserved. I encourage you to share this newsletter or reprint material from it in other electronic or print publications, provided a link to http://www.MelissaGayleWest.com and copyright information are included in the credits. Please send a copy of the publication.

COACHING SESSIONS WITH MELISSA
If you would like to:

• Experience deep and authentic pleasure in your life
• Create a life that sings for you, free from struggle and efforting
• Free yourself from damaging cultural myths about growing older that limit your aliveness, creativity, and unique genius
• Making a meaningful difference in this time in your life
• Deepen your spiritual journey in a way that reflects who you are now
• Reclaim curiosity, gratitude, and wonder for your journey

Read more about how you can benefit from private coaching with Melissa: http://www.MelissaGayleWest.com
If you're interested, contact Melissa at Melissa@MelissaGayleWest.com, or 206.427.1325

Melissa Gayle West
106 NW 104th St.
Seattle, WA 98177